This is something I had to write for my journalism class. The assignment was to write an opinion column about something that you could talk about a lot and I think my topic fit the bill. I want to thank my youth leader for truly helping me s much this year battle and begin healing from all of the past scars and teaching me that my past doesn't define me!
Real Life Role Model
McKayla Morris
In my family I am the oldest of three girls. Being the oldest I have found it is much harder to find someone older to look up to than my younger sister who tells me almost daily that she wants to be just like me one day. To me a scary thought.As I grew up I always had a want for an older sibling, someone I could look up to, someone I could call my own role model. Life played out a bit differently though. In middle school I never really had a role model, in fact I barley talked. My seventh grade year I started at a new school and my parents were in the middle of separating.
Alone.
That is the only word I could use to explain how I was feeling. My parents were my role models, but after I saw the pain they were putting each other through the adoration quickly turned to hatred. In January of seventh grade year I had made up my mind that I would be alone forever and I was going to end my life.
Obviously I am here which could lend itself to say I didn’t go through with the suicide plan. A few months after all of this happened my parents decided to get back together and I took all of those feelings and hid and locked them away until this year.
Three years.
I suppressed every emotion for my seventh grade year. I was able to convince myself I was okay, and that I had forgiven my parents and myself. A month before school started though I met someone that would hold the key to unlock a monster no one was prepared to battle.
My church hired a new youth leader while I was away for the summer. When I first met her my first impression was not the best. I mean the only thing I knew about her was that she was a cheerleader in high school. Nothing could describe what I was thinking as I first met her, it was probably that sounded like,
“You have got to be kidding me.”
I soon came to learn that we had much more in common than previously believed. We both love country and Christian music, Starbucks, but the thing that has created an almost sibling like bond is that we both have stories. At our first church lock-in I was sitting in the back of the sanctuary crying feeling completely lost when she came over and put her arm around me. I had never planned on telling her my story but that night I did.
In the coming months as we got to know each other a little better I began to look up to her more. After constant fights with my mother one night the thoughts from seventh grade year came flooding back. I was soon sitting in my youth leaders’ office crying, so scared of what I was becoming. Weeks and I was in so much pain, it took everything in my being to not revert to old habits. I was ready to give up everything, but my youth leader wouldn't let me. One night on our way home from Akron she started asking questions about my seventh grade year. Questions I was not prepared to answer, questions that unlocked every emotion from seventh grade year.
That conversation showed me that I needed more help that I thought. Weeks before Christmas I checked myself into counseling because I was finally aware of the severity of what I was dealing with. The day of my first appointment was difficult because I had to be completely honest with a complete stranger. Later that night after my session my youth leader shared her story with me.
A few weeks later she was also in counseling.
So I imagine some of you are wondering what the point of me sharing all of this to you, I mean I would be too. Well us teenagers don’t always handle stress or pain very well, and simply having someone there can save you. I challenge all of you to make an effort to be a role model to someone in your life older or younger. You never know when you might save a life by being there for someone, reminding them they are not alone.
My youth leader has been the best role model I could ask for and I hope I can be that way for my younger sisters.
