You are My only Exception, and I Will Love You for A Thousand Years...

      Love is a four letter word that can make me run through so many emotions sometimes. Sometimes I can lay in my room at night and cry to myself wondering if love it a lie. I look around at the world and the relationships broken and ended because love being a lie. I look at broken families with young children so confused about why mommy and daddy don't love each other. I look at young adults whose fathers or mothers were not apart their childhood. Their childhood was filled with confusion, thoughts of self worth to that parent. Tears cried as they grew up in the hidden stairwells as a young child to college dorm rooms as that feeling of unloved and the search for that love dominated years of their lives. Regardless of all of this, my wonders and fears I am often reminded of a man who lived thousands of years ago. 

      Jesus of Nazareth, born in a lowly manger. Why was he born? To save all of man kind? I would like to think so, and I would also like to think it was out of an amazing love. I mean I can't even begin to understand or fathom that kind of love... can you? I'm sitting here listening to love songs and earlier two songs that caught my heart were "The Only Exception" by Paramore that talks about really everything I have felt for awhile now. 

"Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul, that love never lasts. And we've got to find other ways to make it alone, or keep a straight face...."

   

     The song continues to say that regardless of everything the singer believes about love she has one special person that she says is her only exception. Who for that one moment looking into their eyes she knows that he is the one. I am only 16 and I have no clue if I have met my "holy hunk" as girls in youth group call them, but I do know the feeling of looking at someone knowing that regardless of how broken I am and knowing they are the only exception. This guy can not buy me flowers or call me just to let me know they are thinking of me, but he can hold me in his strong unfailing arms and whisper to my heart that I am loved by the eternal father.   
As I lay on my couch recovering from my surgery I find myself longing to be held by arms of this world. I suddenly got the wise idea to look up love songs on Pandora (an unhealthy derision that us still playing while I'm writing this) and suddenly God spoke through my hear with Christian Perri's song "A Thousand Years"

“I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more…”

     I suddenly realized something in my longing for human arms to be wrapped around me that there was a man who died for me and is waiting for me to embrace that and him fully by being all in with my relationship and walk with the Lord. To think that someone has loved me from the moment I was created and will be loved for eternity by Jesus is so amazing tonight...
So back to the original topical or question: Is love a lie? No, because Jesus is truth. Yes people may lie and say they are in love with someone else while sleeping with someone else in the same 24 hours. Am I scared to fall in love because of the lies in my head? Yes, i cannot even begin to describe the accuracy of that statement. I don't want to be afraid to fall for my holy hunk, I want to be able to one look at him and my children one day and love them with the love of Jesus Christ. I ask that Jesus teaches me how to love others like him so people can look at me and know that love is NOT a lie. I ask that he helps me heal from my broken and scared heart. 
     I'm finishing this off a bit different with three short letters to my amazing savior, my future holy hunk and beautiful children. 

Dear Jesus,
Help me to love. Not just my future and husband and kids but every person in my life, now and forever. Help me to turn to you in times of brokenness and not the foolish wants of this world. Help me to have faith that there is someone waiting for me, maybe even thinking about me right know that you have set apart for me. Help me to faithful to my holy hunk and only love one other over him, You. Do not let me idolize him but be a man I can share my faith with and be encouraged. I thank you for being my savior, my rock, my strength, my calmness in this crazy storm called life. You will love me for a thousand years, forever. For that I am eternally thankful daddy. I ask that through your time and will you would walk me down the isle to hand my earthy hand to an amazing man that you love just as much as me. I love you so much Daddy, thank you for fighting for me. 

Dear future love of my life,
Hi darling. I'm sitting here thinking about you tonight and I just wanted to say a few things. I'm not sure if we have even met yet but I know that we will one day be best friends. I want you to know that I love you and will never stop loving and dreaming of the man God is molding you into at this point in your life. Thank you for choosing me, for loving me, for making me laugh, cry tears of joy, for priceless conversations, for happiness even if we fight. I do not plan on giving up on us, I will stay faithful to you, to us. I will never stop loving you dear. I will sit here and wait until the day we fall in love. When we sit on the porch and talk about our faith with my head on you chest listening to your beautiful heart. Thank you for loving me darling, I cant wait to get old with you.

Dear Kyle Andrew and/or Kylie Ann, Luke Blake and Anne Marie,
Your names make me smile every time I think of you sweethearts. Every time I think of holding you in my arms, watching you grow up, making memories, new traditions. I am doing everything in my power to become the mother you all deserve. I promise that I will love you forever and nothing will ever change that. I will always be in your lives no matter what happens in our time together. You amazing kiddos are going to change my life and I thank you in advance. Your smiles and laughter will be the such a beautiful soundtrack to my life. You have already stole a huge piece of my heart just thinking about you. I pray more than anything that I am able to show you an unfailing love that you will never have to question. Holding you in my arms will be holding a piece of heaven one day. When that day comes never forget that mommy loves you with all her heart and soul! 

 

McKayla Audrey 
November 23 2012 

Remade: The Heart Behind the Song

    When the holidays came around as a kid you might remember the common question from family... "What do you want for Christmas?" Of course this is when you would you whip out your 11 paged Christmas color coated by importance. Then on Christmas you would wake up at some unnatural hour of the morning and run down stairs to see all those brightly wrapped presents under the tree. Now think back to the best Christmas gift you have ever gotten! Maybe your thoughts turn to a special toy, video game, or piece of technology. I will admit I will never forget the Christmas my parents hid a cell phone in the Christmas tree and I'm sure the look on my face when the tree began to ring was priceless. Now let me ask what is the all time best gift you have ever received? Thoughts again may turn to a material thing, but isn't our redemption from that baby born on Christmas Eve thousands of years ago the best gift we can ask for?

    "But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we're dead in transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved." Ephesians 2:4-5

    I wrote this song after watching the movie Save a Life, and if you have ever seen it you know it is a tear jerker. As I laid in bed after turning the movie off in the dark I began to think about my own story and the stories of the people around me. Before I knew it I was sitting up with my guitar, notebook and pen at midnight writing my first song. A few months later I found Ephesians 2:4-5 and it seemed to fit perfectly with the chorus of Remade.

"Don't you know you it's all gonna be okay? Through the cross you've been remade"

    I don't know how you are struggling but hear this truth: that things are going to be okay! I know sometimes it may not seem like it with broken relationships or tempting sin, but by the grace of Jesus Christ you are going to be okay. We are not defined by the worries of our lives. 

"When the thorns pierced his brow, he came and died to show us how. You've been remade" 

    That little baby born in that tiny manger in Bethlehem because there was no room in the inn grew up and died on a real cross, a real death for our very real sins and struggles. When He rose from the grave he left sin on the floor and by this amazing wonderful fantastic gift we are able to be remade. We are not defined by our temptations and sins. 

"You've been remade, through Christ your saved."

    I was completely blown away while writing the song at the fact that I was forgiven and not only that but I have been saved, I have been made new. You are made new by the gift of Jesus Christ that tiny little baby, that man who adores you so much that he died for you. Christ says you are not defined by anything but Him.  Ephesians 2:4-5 sums the whole song up in one long run on sentence. We loved. We are made alive in Christ even if we are dead in sin. We have been saved. Now THAT is the most amazing gift we could ever receive.      

     

Forever: The Heart Behind the Song

This was the only song I have written so far that has made me cry because of the undeniable presence of Jesus Christ. In June of my summer going into my junior year of high school I went on my first missions trip with my pastor, youth pastor and some girls from my church to Indianapolis. The trip was very emotional as I began to truly deal with issues of my past.

One night I walked into a large gym with chairs set up and a large white cross on the left the side of the dark stage. I went in to escape the craziness and spend time speaking with my amazing daddy. My pastor and youth pastor were already down there and after multiply attempts of praying on my own I asked them to pray with me.
We prayed for about 20 minutes but within the first 2 minutes I was sobbing as we prayed about my life, relationships and lies that I had started to believe.
Toward the end of the prayer my Pastor asked Christ to speak on word to my heart that night and in a very loud, strong, and most comforting voice I have ever heard "forever" began to ring in my ears. As I sat alone crying in that dark room, I tried to make sense of everything that was going on, but the only thing I could hear was "forever".
Needless to say when I got home and started to write this song tears were streaming as one word began to take shape and make sense. Psalm 89:2 says "Your unfailing love will last forever. Your faithfulness is as enduring as the heavens." I couldn't have said it better myself. If you hear nothing else hear this truth that HIS UNFAILING LOVE WILL LAST FOREVER. There are times in our lives that we think no one could ever love us. Maybe because of the things people told us growing up or lack of a father or mother. Maybe you gave all yourself to a false satisfaction. Regardless of your situation and baggage there was a man who carried His cross up calverys mountain, died and rose because His unfailing love will last forever.... For eternity.

"Forever YOU are mine. Forever I'm with YOU. Forever I will love YOU, when this world stands against you. Forever I will call YOU home into My arms. Forever I will love YOU."