Forever: The Heart Behind the Song

This was the only song I have written so far that has made me cry because of the undeniable presence of Jesus Christ. In June of my summer going into my junior year of high school I went on my first missions trip with my pastor, youth pastor and some girls from my church to Indianapolis. The trip was very emotional as I began to truly deal with issues of my past.

One night I walked into a large gym with chairs set up and a large white cross on the left the side of the dark stage. I went in to escape the craziness and spend time speaking with my amazing daddy. My pastor and youth pastor were already down there and after multiply attempts of praying on my own I asked them to pray with me.
We prayed for about 20 minutes but within the first 2 minutes I was sobbing as we prayed about my life, relationships and lies that I had started to believe.
Toward the end of the prayer my Pastor asked Christ to speak on word to my heart that night and in a very loud, strong, and most comforting voice I have ever heard "forever" began to ring in my ears. As I sat alone crying in that dark room, I tried to make sense of everything that was going on, but the only thing I could hear was "forever".
Needless to say when I got home and started to write this song tears were streaming as one word began to take shape and make sense. Psalm 89:2 says "Your unfailing love will last forever. Your faithfulness is as enduring as the heavens." I couldn't have said it better myself. If you hear nothing else hear this truth that HIS UNFAILING LOVE WILL LAST FOREVER. There are times in our lives that we think no one could ever love us. Maybe because of the things people told us growing up or lack of a father or mother. Maybe you gave all yourself to a false satisfaction. Regardless of your situation and baggage there was a man who carried His cross up calverys mountain, died and rose because His unfailing love will last forever.... For eternity.

"Forever YOU are mine. Forever I'm with YOU. Forever I will love YOU, when this world stands against you. Forever I will call YOU home into My arms. Forever I will love YOU."

New Look, New Attitude, New Love: Same God

   The last day of summer is always quite bittersweet and I find it this year a bit harder to let go of. Although I am excited to go back and see friends and routine it is hard to let such an amazing summer fade to the memories of all the others summers past. This summer has brought a lot of change and I am happy to say it has been mostly for the better! In summer 2011 I had told myself I was going to go out and find myself and become who I was always supposed to and that absolutely did not happen. As I entered into sophomore year I found myself more confused than anything which defiantly threw me off quite a bit. All through the year I had many amazing support systems as I started to work through the rough patches, pain and confusion. So before I say anything else I want to thank everyone who has been a supports system in the past year because its because all of you that I was able to have such a terrific summer.
    Finishing up the last school year I let my mind become consumed with the idea of loosing weight, and well I defiantly lost more than I was planning on in one summer. I'm not complaining but I will admit there was a time when it literally would consume everything I did. So for about the first 3 or 4 weeks of my summer the name of the game was see how much weight I could loose. People around started to worry about how quickly I was losing the weight, so overtime the weight loss has become much healthier. It was not always easy, but knowing I dropped 4 pant sizes in one summer is a pretty fantastic feeling. Along with the weight I also chopped off 6 or 7 inches off my hair. I have no clue why I did it but I could not be more pleased with the way it turned out! It is defiantly me and I have been told that since I first got it. It was different to hear people say "that haircut is totally you," because it seemed like that was the underlying theme of this summer without even trying.
    I have been in need of an attitude adjustment for a very very very long time is any of you don't know. I wouldn't call myself totally self centered but I have defiantly struggled with pride and jealousy in the past. As I came home from alive, the mission trip and camp this summer I really started to notice the areas in which I needed and adjustment. I have spent both of my high school years concerned about how good I was in the eyes of my choir directors or choir members. Any of my close friends can attest to the fact that when it came time for auditions I became a totally different person, a very scary person if I do say so myself. I don't want to become that person anymore, I still want to have some drive but I want to stop comparing myself to others because in all honesty I am no better or worse then any of them in the big picture. For my last two years I want to be able to make amazing relationship and just have a great time with everyone in the music program. I just want to have fun because I have been stuck up for to long and some fun is long overdo.
    Another change this year is my love and compassion for everyone around me! In the past month and a half I have found myself loving people for who they are rather than what they have done or said wrong and it is not easy people. Think about how much time you spend judging the person across from you in class or at work because they might be a little different. I am just as guilty as the next person but just because it is the easy thing to do does not by any circumstances make it the right thing to do. Think of it this way what if you were the one being judged... Now I know no one likes to feel judged so what makes it any different when we do it to others? Unless we have talked to the person and placed a genuine interest in their lives and their story how do we know what their going through? What if instead of spending the time we do judging we go over to someone and say hi? Just love them, because we all want to feel loved. This year I have challenged myself to go out in my school, and community and show people the love I have experienced this summer. Not by shoving religion down their throats but by simply being there and present for someone else. Instead of talking truly listen to what others are saying and find a way I can encourage them and pray for them on my own time. I just want to love others with no strings attached and I'm going to have to start small because change doesn't happen overnight but I hope over the course of the next year I can show everyone around me the love inside me.
    As I have slowly been able to start to find myself I find myself on my knees praising an awesome and faithful Savior. I have let a lot of what has happened this summer get between me and my relationship with Christ. So last night as I laid in bed thinking about how the last two years of my high school career start in less than 48 hours I asked that His will would be done in everything I do these next two years. God never changes and that is something you can guarantee. Through the death of his son we are forgiven from the sin of this world. What ever holds you captive from enjoying the freedom of Jesus Christ is nothing when we truly think of how much we are loved and adored by this man. So as things around me change I cling to Christ as my rock and my salvation because I know nothing we can do can change His love for us. He is always faithful and that is something so amazing to me.
    So as I head back to school I really think that I am truly in the process of letting my old self die and finding my true identity in Jesus Christ and his amazing plan for my life. I can not express how excited I am to continue on this amazing walk with Christ!!!  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."- 2 Cor 10:5
Much love!
McKayla Audrey

Summer 2012: Pictures

As summer 2012 is coming to a close I thought i'd post some photos to sum up what I've been up to! It has been a pretty amazing summer full of surprises and amazing moments! Enjoy! Thanks to Lindsey Rapp for a lot of the pictures! Documenting every move of our lives is a great idea!

Love,
McKayla :)

Got to babysit Trinity for a week and a half at the beautiful Camp Tippecanoe!

 Started a new bible study on total surrender!

 Spend nights I wouldn't trade for the world with my best friend! 

 Meeting new friends!

 It just couldn't be summer without Starbucks!

 Jumping in the pool with your clothes on!

 Eating at my first tapas restaurant! 

 Serving with some amazing youth girls!

 Going on my first missions trip to Indianapolis and built a hoop house!

 Reconnected with an old camp counselor who has become a mentor and very close friend! 

Raising my hands to praise and AMAZING God!

 Learning how to learn music!

 Got to spend time with my third baby sister!

 Got 6 inches of my hair chopped off!

 Made the connection!

Wrote "Forever" a song inspired by prayer on the mission trip!

Although in this was in the spring got to sing at a baptism!

 Got to pray and wittness the one on the far right as she accepted Christ in her life!

 Showered in a tent!

 Got close with the most amazing youth leader ever!

 Learned to use what ever that is, so watch out!

Spend 4 days camping with theses loves at the ALIVE festival!

God worked through The ALIVE festival through the music and people in CRAZY ways!

"Look I am making everything new!"

What do you think when you hear the word new? Maybe a new car or the new iPhone, the truth is we all love new stuff! In Revelation 21:5 Jesus says, "Look I am making everything new!" hence forth where I got the name of tonight's post. For the past 6 days I was serving the people of Indianapolis on a mission trip and the theme verse for this week was Revelation 21:5. At the beginning of the week I really did not grasp the verse, my attitude and heart did not seem to be in the right place. It was much easier to see the negative things going on, rather than the work of God through all of our lives. I am so happy to say though I am finally able to embrace the fact that Jesus is making everything new in our lives. New relationships, new life, new
attitudes, new hearts, He can make anything and everything new and chooses to do so every day.

New Life:
Last week I got to be a part of something very special. I got to be present when one of the girls who came on the trip in our group got to except Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. Before she had made her decision God was telling me to pray for this little girl, so before she went up to pray with Lindsey I talked with her about the cross and prayed that God make himself the center of her life one day. When I was told she wanted to accept Christ my first reaction were instant tears. As our youth group, Lindsey, Pastor Matt and Monica surrounded Hannah to pray there was nothing else to do but cry. Not tears of sorrow but tears of joy that this little girl was making the best decision of her life and I was there to witness it. Everyone around her cried and prayed for her, right before our eyes we witnessed Jesus making everything new. He gave Hannah new life that night, and we were all there to see her smiling face as she ran into His open arms and embraced her new 'daddy'.
New Relationships:
This has been the biggest area I have experienced Jesus making things new in the past two weeks. Reconnecting with an old camp counselor and being able to pick up as if 5 years didn't separate us at all. Being able to find someone who truly understands my story, being able see God working through her in big ways. In 4 short days we were able to pray together, catch each other up on our lives and worship. There were many moments that wouldn't have been possible without our amazing God.
Being able to mend a friendship that seemed would never mend. Looking under the stars and letting down every wall I had left and speaking my mind, being honest with her. Within an hour we were able to laugh and talk about life as if nothing had ever happened. He has made this friendship stronger than it was to begin with, with encouraging words and sarcastic jokes. Our stories are not the same in much respect but I am able to learn from her in all aspects. Not only as He made this friendship new but He has made our communication new. I used to not want to verbalize anything when we talked now I am able to verbalize virtually anything if I just let down my walls and remember that she's in my life for a reason and hasn't failed me yet.
Though things are moving slowly I  having been praying so much that Jesus make my relationship with my baby sister Mariah new. I just hope in the coming months that we are able to come closer to each other in a Christ centered relationship. 
New Heart:
Prayer is a powerful, powerful weapon in this world. In 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 it says that "though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, the have divine power to demolish strong holds." On this mission trip I got to witness and experience the power of prayer; praying for other and also being prayed for. Last week the one thing I asked God to make new was my heart, that it could start healing and be forgiving. Wednesday night I got to pray with someone one on one. I was already very emotional after Hannah accepted Christ, but by the end of the night I was so emotionally drained I had no tears left. While being prayed for I listened to every word and every word made me a bit more weepy. That was not the last time I was prayed for that night but that night my heart felt like was opened up to everything around me. I let everything out, and in places that I never thought I could find peace I was slowly able to. My heart was not worried about what the world around her thought, it wasn't worried about pain, it was filled with an overwhelming love from a father who calls me back when I wander.

Jesus is making everything new in your life right now as you read this. Something in your life is being made new. Find the newness in all that you do. Encourage a friend when times get hard, take time out of your day to remind someone how much you love them. You are made new by a cross, by a crown of thorns, by the lamb of God, by a man who died the death of a criminal out of love for you, and He is making all things new.

     

Deer In The Headlights

You know the saying "deer in the headlights," well I got to experience this in its literal context a few weekends ago. After a night of fellowship with some friends at their lake house, we were on our way home and I was getting tired sitting in the passenger seat. Out of no where a deer ran out into the street and stopped right in front of our small car. My dad slammed on the breaks and I crouched into the fetal position in the front seat and we hit the deer. I didn't see the deer roll on top of the car because my eyes were shut and my head was in my arms. I waited though for a second for an air bag but it never exploded, but if it would have a neck injury could have landed me in the hospital. A few days before all of this two of my friends saw me explode about things that truly have no importance after hitting the deer. I spent all Friday being upset, but later that night for the first time I was truly able to give it to God and let go. Saturday morning I mulched for someone at our church with one the sister of one of the girls I exploded at. I can't lie I was still a bit bitter and it would have been much easier to start venting to her sister but I found that her and I clicked in other ways other than ragging on her older sister. I found a sister that adores her older sister and made tings much easier for me. I spent most of the evening with a bunch of kid 8+ years younger than me. They made laugh, smile and even question my sanity a bit, but for the first time in a long time I felt like a kid again. So from the moment i saw the whites of the  eyes of the deer to the time we hit it with my eyes closed, I was praying harder than ever. Praying for God to step into the situation of the accident and my life and to help us all be safe. Many people might not be able to find glory or a blessing in any of this but somehow I did. With my sister crying in the back seat out of fear to my own fear as I opened my eyes to what had happened, no one was hurt (not even the deer). That is a blessing in itself.
Not only was it a blessing that none of us got hurt it was a blessing that I was able to find glory in it, when for a week or two before I could find glory in nothing around me. I laid awake in my room reviewing everything that had happened recently and the glory and I was astonished at everything I had missed. God was stepping into my life I just couldn't particularly see it. So with summer here now and late nights I think much more than normal (lord knows that's not good), and I have been making lists of Gods glory and blessings in my life.

1. An amazing best friend: She has always been here for me especially this year, when one was weak we were strong for the other until we were okay again. Our late night conversations while star gazing was something I wouldn't trade for anything.
2. My gift: In a few weeks my church leaves for our first mission trip. I agreed to lead worship through song during the week. I have been practicing as much as I can and just recently I have finally been able to feel what I was singing about. So i'm not focusing on being perfect but focusing bringing glory to God and serving others by showing them the love of Christ. 
3. "Remade": I can not say much but I can say I am moving forward in life. I am finished being at a stand still, and am praying about all that could happen. All I can say is that through what ever happens in the near future I am letting it be Gods' show... not mine. 
4. Radio/ Pandora: God has been speaking to me through the music I have surrounded myself by. I sat at church one day and every song that came on touched something in my heart that made me aware of the presence of my Savior!
5. My sister: We have not always had a good relationship but I am doing so much to change that. I want to be her support system, so I make time for her individually in my schedule. In a short time I would say we have gotten closer system. 
6. Communication: I am not the best when it comes to this but I am working on it. A friend that has helped me a lot this year has truly pushed me honest in all that I do. So as I become honest with my self I am slowly able to become honest with the people around me. 

These are just a few but have all made a huge impact in my life. In the presence of Gods' glory I feel like a deer in the headlights. All I want to do is stand here and admire it forever, I want to love the light for ever and nothing is every going to stop me from singing every praise of Lord deserves!
Be blessed!!!!
Love, McKayla Audrey

Summer # 16

As my Sophomore year comes to an end an another summer has so gracefully swooped in just in time. The name for this is a bit different, but I thought as move into this summer I would blog about some of my favorite memories from this past summer!!!

#1. Mid-Summers Night Tears:
 Last summer (2011) I spent about 4 or 5 weeks volunteering at a summer camp as well as getting my CIT training (Counselor In Training). Three years ago I wrote a song named " I Don't Wanna Go," and dedicated it to the camp that has helped me grow up for 7 years. Last summer after being there for 5 years summer was coming to a close and I unfortunately had to leave a few days earlier than everyone else. In this picture I am preforming "I Don't Wanna Go," for my last time in 2011. It was much different this time though because I made so many relationships and because someone very special made me my very own guitar strap with words that said: " I don't wanna go, I don't wanna leave you..." So after singing and playing my song everyone walked back over to get ice cream and i put my guitar away I went over to my friend and fell into her arms sobbing. I will tell you I have to this day never cried so hard. We walked over to the lodge together while I was still crying and seeing everyone was coming up to me hugging me telling me they loved me and all I could do was cry. I sat down for a while but nothing was stopping the tears, not this time. One by one it seemed like everyone in that camp that night came over and talked to me. I remember very few but one I do remember is with one of my best and longest camp buds Matt. Still crying he came over and pulled me close and gave me a hug but this was the longest hug ever because he was actually talking to me whispering in my ear. All week before this I had been telling him I didn't know if I wanted to go back in 2012, he told me that I wasn't finished there because of how much I was crying. Matt if you ever read this you were the one that helped me so much that night, even after I stopped crying and we were talking on the porch. It seems like so many of my favorite summer memories have you in them because for the past 6 years you have been apart of my summer in one way or another. I also loved coming home from camp and getting calls with Matt singing Jason Maraz on random evenings. Thank you and love you lots.

#2. Lakeside Wedding:
At the end of last summer I got to see the marriage of Uncle Sam and Aunt Whitney. They were legally married before the ceremony but it was great to spend time with my family in Michigan on this beautiful lake. I got to spend time with my two adorable cousins Arlo and Magnus. I got to try many new things like tubing and water skiing and lots of new vegetarian foods (this was when I was still a vegetarian). It was great to see God work in these two people as they raise two beautiful little boys and share an undying love for each other!!

#3. Taking the Main Stage:
At the end of last summer I was asked to audition for a Christmas show but it was a bit different than other auditions. This audition was for a live audience on the Main Stage at Cantons First Friday in August. I sang 'Once Upon a Dream' from Jekyll and Hyde and was told by many people I stunned them but little do they all know that if it wouldn't have been for that audition I may have never gotten on stage again. This audition was such a blessing in SO many ways. God brought so many new people into my life and helped me reconnect to an old friend.

#4. Getting and completing my Gold Rag:
At camp I am a part of program called raggers where it focuses of bettering yourself, the world around you, others and your relationship with Christ.  I have been apart of this group for 4 years and plan to continue it as long as I can. This year I received my Gold Rag and my goal for myself was to impact the life of others through my music. I feel I have done this so I hope to go back to camp this year and get my next rag. Last years raggers ceremony was probably the most amazing I have ever been apart of, because the minute you open your eyes Gods beauty blinded you and any of you who were there know what I'm talking about. Although it was the earliest I have ever woken up at camp it was totally worth it.
Summer #15 was so incredibly amazing and if I named all the amazing moments this would be super long! I cant wait to see what Summer #16 has in store with ALIVE12 and the mission trip this summer is dedicated to my relationship with Christ and of course camp and all of my amazing friends!!! Happy Summer 2012!!!
  

Meet My Best friend

   

She's out going, I'm shy with people I don't know.

She loves sports, I love a spotlight and a microphone. 

Organization should be her middle name and disaster mine...

   On Good Friday in 2011 Jesus put someone in my life that has helped me grow more in this year than I could have ever expected. Our situations in life have varied in many different ways but gladly I am able to say we have both been able to put Christ into our friendship to help each other grow in our faith and in our selves. 

   I can honestly say If it wasn't for the our amazing savior would not have brought us together I don't think we would be as close as we are today or even friends. We met our freshman year in track, I was the quite one sitting alone and she was the crazy one talking to everyone and frankly I was scared of her. Some how in the months between March and June we became super close, and on Good Friday that year we both agreed we were kinda like best friends. 

   As summer came around we were expecting to spend a lot of time together with some of our other friends. Things changed a bit through, we both started to get involved with guys and life was making it very impossible for us to ever talk or see each other. This summer was a true test of our friendship, and it was not always easy. In one instance I was so angry with her that I just didn't even want to try anymore. I could see myself very quickly being replaced and so I chose to be angry, unforgiving even after I told her it was all okay. One night at the summer camp I was staying at I looked at everything around me and remember thinking:

   "If Christ could forgive us, then why the heck can't I forgive my best friend who has apologized so many times?"

   My best friend is one of the strongest people I have ever met. She hates showing weakness but I wish she didn't have to be so strong all the time. My best friend has been my rock this year as I fell apart this year, and I wish I could be the same for her. 

   This week we were talking about where we would be without each other and from that conversation came the inspiration to write this. I hate thinking about the past or how things could have been because you can control it and that is just me so this conversation was difficult for me and I replied with:

   "I don't want to think about it."

   Here is your answer: I don't know. Yes a popular word in my vocabulary but in this instance it is the honest truth. Without my best friend I would be so lost, probably on the floor in the fetal position scared to death. Just kidding but the point is, by being friends with her my life has been changed.  

   When our hearts our broken we look and see the beauty of the pieces and gather them and up and put them back together. When one of  our faces are covered in makeup from all of the tears, the other is whipping it off or crying just as hard. The most simple things bring tears to our eyes, and have come to the conclusion that the older we get the easier it is to get us to cry.   

   No matter where life takes us after high school I have faith that our relationship will conquer any distance or situation. The laughs and tears we have shared, the memories made and the amazing moments to come will carry us through until our paths cross again. 

   Meet Mollie. My best friend. 

"But I’m still a dreamer, A believer Oh, I lost my faith in so many things. But I still believe in You"