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As I glanced out the window looking out on the pink and orange sky I turned and asked, " So how's your walk with Jesus?" A simple question with a simple answer from both of us: better.
Last time I got to hang out one on one with my caffeine intoxicated friend was about 4 months ago over Christmas break. Our schedules both got busy with musical and speech and family. We seemed to stop making time for each other to not only to hang out but even to talk or text. We both let our friendship slip off to the side as we continued on with life. I began to notice changes in the friendship but let it roll off my back at first thinking that maybe I was reading into something. During this time I spent once a week working on healing, and finding who I am in Christ in counseling. I was forcing myself to look in His word to find the truth to murder the deadly lies that fill my head. The first time my friend and I talked she pulled me to the side and gave me her version of what was supposed to be a "motivational" talk about lies that were running my life. I instantly wanted to cry, and if we wouldn't have been at track I would have. It was hard to hear her words when I felt she had no clue what was going on and that she didn't care. All I heard was a lecture that made me upset. This was in March. We were still able to be friendly and make small talk together but I felt very shut down to the fact that something had changed in or friendship. A friendship we have always fought for even when obstacles like guys, bad influences and sin got in the way. It now felt like a struggle just to be around each other and I don't think it was one sided. For about two months we spend an hour or so at track having a friendly smile that never lasted past when we pulled out of the driveway.
Little did I know during this time Christ was doing something so amazing. He was breaking both my friend and I and putting the pieces back together piece by piece. I kept thinking a huge piece was missing though and tonight I can tell you I was right. While my friend worked on herself and her walk with Christ I had recently been working on how to confront someone in a healthy way with my counselor, and it came in handy very soon after. Almost two weeks after dedicating myself to quit being so passive I was put through a test. A test that would bring the friendship full circle. Sometime this week I asked my friend for a ride home because my parents would be busy. The response I got hurt more than I was expecting it to. I at first needed to give myself time to process my emotions and thoughts. I ran hard far away from her during track and finally had the confrontation 20 minutes later. I started by saying that everything I said was out of love and finally told her how I felt. I felt our friendship had become an inconvenience to us both. I fought to keep myself composed. We finished the conversation on good terms but both fearing of how far our friendship had truly fallen to the side.
Tonight as we talked about our walks, I found healing, forgiveness and hope. It was profound when I finally looked back at all the work both of us have been doing on ourselves in the past 4 months. We needed that time to focus on fixing our hearts on what is right and true. I believe Christ broke us down to help us rebuild our relationship on His steady rock. Its amazing to truly look at how our friendship was and how tonight was so much different. Rooted in our love for our amazing savior. Filled with laughter and love. Its truly amazing to see the change I am making in my heart. I am able to find the healing I have needed in the simplest of things. I have become a lover rather than a fighter. Laughter fills my days rather than darkness and tears. God has truly been working and I believe Mollie and my relationship can only go up from here with Christ at the center. Its amazing what beauty can come from ashes. I hopeful and excited what God has in store for our friendship as we move into senior year.
Heres to healing in caffeinated conversations.
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