Im not miserable but Im not happy. Im not strong but Im not weak. Im not rude but Im not polite. Im not popular but Im not a loner. Im not sexy but Im not horrid. Im not dumb but Im no genius. Im not you but I am me. Accept it. 
Unknown quotes Things have been changing in life a lot lately. Internally, externally, with friends and family. I was talking to someone a few nights back about different things in life. The topic that caught my attention though, was being real. What does it mean to be real? In my view being real is being able to be true to yourself and not be afraid to be who you are no matter what people think. With that view though many people can call me a hypocrite.
I have been hiding behind masks as long as I can remember and for being a sophomore in High School i am ashamed to say that. You are supposed to be true to who you are, but in reality I haven't quite figured out who that person is yet. People know me as different things because I will play any part you want me to. At school, I can crack jokes and be obnoxious, like someone my age is supposed to act. I of course am to mature for my own good and think way to far into everything though. I see friends who can go through life, partying on the weekends going through life without a care. It sounds nice in all but I find myself wondering whats the point of not being able to remember more than half of your high school weekends because you were to drunk or high to care.
So while my friends are out on the weekends i'm either A.) with my theater friends or B.) being the perfect little church girl. Both great passions but I will admit I play a good poker face. Let me start with church. I am in LOVE with Christ 100%. He is my reason I get up in the morning and can get through everyday. He has saved me from so many things! Without him I know where I would be and it wouldn't be pretty. So I go to church as much as I can, but i'm NOT perfect. I sin and so does everyone else but I used to find myself hiding that. I would convince myself nothing was the matter and until I would crack one day. But until then I would do everything in my power not to show you what is going on. And I still do it today. You may think you know the whole story but there are so many layers, so much I have left unsaid. Christ knows everything I have left unsaid though and I find myself turning to him when I find myself being 'fake'.
**I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:14-16**
The people who seem to know me the best are my theater family. You might think acting oh that's where you can be someone else without even think about it.Back stage though i'm a bit different. The stage truly brings out the best in me. My friends in the theater can seem my determination and hard work and just the love for the craft. Being on stage makes me heart smile and I have the best feeling when I am on or around stage. It wasn't always that way though. I used to feel not good enough anyone stage wise. This has changed quite a bit this year, for the better.
So here is the thing as I work on thing I want to eliminate the false stuff about me and be the same person around everyone. I want to be able to worship Jesus and help spread his love to others but be able to belt a high C that can fill a huge theater when needed. Here is my challenge for you: DON'T BE FAKE! You can only hide one side of you from someone for a short time. I will be personally working on this in the coming months! Thank you to everyone who is by my side and praying for me! I
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