"Through Him Who Gives Me Strength..."

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Antisocial and Why I HATE Labeling

Labels. The best way I can describe it is from the lunchroom scene in Mean Girls. You know where they give you the breakdown of where the jocks, preps, asians, burnouts, sexually active band geeks and of course the plastics sit. Those are ALL labels, good or bad, true or untrue; for that moment they lose their name and become a *insert unnecessary group name here*. So tonight I'm blogging about the ridiculous labels we are given, how our names don't deserve to be replaced by them and what God labels us as. I'm sure its not antisocial.
Labels are nothing new to mankind and have existed since what seems to be the beginning of time. Masters, slaves, upper class, peasants, tax collectors, thieves, whores, jocks, potheads, bible thumpers, band nerds, just to name a few. I couldn't forget my favorite two though that have been near and dear to my heart from a young age: preppy and antisocial people.
"Preppy Bitch" was my favorite label from childhood, which was given to me in the seventh grade. In seventh grade I switched schools to attempt to follow my dreams at the time to be an actress. The "friends" I had at the time didn't see it as an opportunity to grow but as an opportunity to torture me by making me feel out of place and being the peppy bitch. They say sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you. Well I'm calling bullshit on that one. How many times have others words hurt YOU more than their physical action? Exactly. I was labeled as a preppy bitch because I had a dream and I tried so hard to make it come true until the dream and passion was driven out of me. I fought for that dream a long time but eventually let the words and names get to me until I let it go a few years ago. Even after I returned to the old school with my friends I held the label for 3 or 4 years, or until they finally forgot about it. It was a funny joke to everyone except me. What made me preppy? Or a bitch in the seventh grade?
But by far the most hurtful, and the one label I believed the most and almost became was antisocial. Up until even this year I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere in school. I came into school the new kid in November of the my third grade year. Everyone had their friend groups made and I had a heck of time trying to get into a friend group. I did meet a group of girls out of my desperation for friends. I was the runt of the group, the one who was thrown under the bus, the one bullied just to "fit in." What would you do in this situation as a child? I felt like everything I said was laughed at and ridiculed. All I wanted to do was fit in like everyone else and unfortunately I had to become a liar to even get people to look at me. I hated elementary and sixth grade so no wonder I wanted to switch school so quickly, I wanted a new start. Sometime during my elementary years I thought if I stopped talking I couldn't get blamed or get in trouble for things. The teasing and bullying continued until I felt emotionally shut off to my peers at school. If I didn't feel anything I thought it wouldn't be so bad. So people began to call me antisocial in sixth grade because I still wasn't like everyone else, closed off and quite, scared of the people around me. I never acted out against the social norm, I followed everyone else in hopes of not doing something wrong. I longed for friends and to be social but I was held back by my very real fears of humiliation and rejection. Up until freshman year I believed the lie I was told that said I was antisocial. I thought the fact that I only had one or two good friends I was doing something wrong when everyone else had a whole group. I kept to myself a lot dreaming of the future just to make it through those lonely years. (Side Note: I did fit in at the summer camp one or two weeks out the summer that I still attend today. I have made so many amazing friends through that beautiful place.)
Tonight the word antisocial was thrown my direction and for that split second all those feelings and memories of those lonely dark years flooded through me. I flinched feeling my name lost to the exact label I have been fighting so hard to overcome. We shouldn't lose ourselves to who we were or the mistakes me have made. For four year I allowed my name to be replaced by being called a preppy bitch and antisocial. I am McKayla Audrey and I am neither of those things. Do you know what I am? I am a Child of the King.

"God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."

No one likes to be labeled because we are all our own person not to be meshed in with everyone else. So if we don't like it then why do we continue to make such a big deal about it in movies, TV, conversation, gossip and life? The only reason I can see is that it is a way of life that people aren't willing to let go of. It seems comfortable to categorize things and people without knowing them or their story. I challenge you though to think and reach out to that person who you think is awkward or unapproachable, or that you could NEVER be friends with and learn their whole story. Labels are comfortable. Step out of your comfort zone and before you take away someones name, think, ask and learn their story. Only few people are able to see the transformation I have made from UNSOCIAL to a person who loves being in relationship with others.

I am McKayla Audrey a child of the King, forgiven, beautiful, strong, remade and never alone....

Saturday, May 25, 2013

"We Need Each Other"

Have you ever thought of what a beautiful gift it is that we are able to be in relationship with other brothers and sisters in Christ? I know I haven't truly spent a ton of time pondering on that beautiful gift as much as I should until this past week. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 expresses the beauty and necessity of being in relationship with others:

" Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."

I am so blessed by the relationships God has put into my beautiful life, and like I asked on Facebook, tonight I reflect on what have those Godly relationships give me. Sunday after the show I was in and after dinner with Kayla Marie, my oldest adopted sister, we spent the evening laying in my front yard. It was a perfect evening to finish off a hectic weekend of shows. We didn't talk about anything in particular but just hung out and embraced the beauty around us. Our relationship is so beautiful and so different to me because she is a fighter and fought through so much to show that she cares. I first met her as an 11 year old camper back in '07 not knowing the huge impact she would have on my life. I loved Kayla as a counselor because she was different than everyone else and I clung to that, and her as a camper. I would walk up hills that were terribly steep and force myself to carry her backpack. I used to think it was funny to wipe peanut butter on her back and hide her back pack all around camp. It wasn't so funny though when her and some of her counselor buddies hid in the woods apparently "kidnapped by a serial killer." I cried, no I bawled at the idea of losing her only to find out it was just a prank. When we reconnected last summer I had no idea that we would become as close as we are now. So close in fact shes passed out right next to me while I write this. She has fought for our relationship from day one, making our once a month reunions a success from hiking to concerts, to recording demos to just laying around as I hack up a lung. Our bond and relationship is so different because we know when the other person isn't okay. We have been able to be there for each other through all of those times praying, crying, yelling, talking and texting, just to remind the other person they're not alone. I thank God everyday for her story and beautiful life. Like I have said before she is a person that is able to bring out the best in me even out of my worst attitudes. Sunday being a beautiful example and reminder of one of the beautiful relationships God has given me.
About an hour after Kayla left Sunday I got a random phone call which I would find out later was not so random. It was Em calling to chat for a little while but I wasn't expecting the beautiful conversation that followed. I think it started with her telling me she had read my blog I wrote about my jealousy of her. In that moment my heart dropped thinking I looked like a crazy person but she expressed how beautiful she thought it was and that it made her cry. We then started talking about our stories of our lives in the past few years. It was such a beautiful conversation because it was so raw, honest and real. I could hear a quiver in her voice as she talked about life. I told her my story and although the are drastically different and based out of different lies and temptation there is something huge we have in common. Something that is very hard on both our hearts. I can't remember if I said it but, Em when you read this I want you to know that you are loved, perfect, enough, beautiful and worth so much to Jesus, me and the rest of your "duck family". Your worth doesn't come from a grade on a piece of paper, a perfected dance number or even your amazing boyfriend. It comes from whose child you are: A CHILD OF GOD. I've only known Em for about half a year but I can already tell that God has big things for her life. He has big things in store for our friendship and I am so blessed to get to walk alongside her in her journey with Christ.
I of course cannot forget my curly haired older sister/ mama duck/ youth pastor. What has our relationship given me? To put it simply hope. Hope that things will be okay, that I am worth more than I'm going through. Hope that one day I will become as strong as she is that I am able to lead others to the Kingdom. For the past two years Lindsey has stood by me and watched me crumble into a heaping mess and watched me soar as I have learned to embrace the freedom the cross offers. Even when I so desperately beg to give up and give in, to take the easy way out she has encouraged and loved me. Was it easy all the time being asked hard questions I really didn't want to answer? No at the moment it sucked having to answer them. Am I thankful for each conversation we've had like that? So thankful because it was often in those conversations God was able to break and speak to my heart in order rebuild it. Have we had a yelling match here and there? Uh yep. Cried together? More than I could have imagined. As I head into my senior year in the fall I cannot wait to see what hard conversations, and beautiful moments God has in store. Of course even outside of youth group when I graduate I think we will still me close. It's going to being very hard to sever the bond that has been created in the past two years and I am so blessed to be able to say God stitched in together. Even when our lives part with our new jobs, and new families I hope I never lose my curly, seal laugh sister.
I'm going to finish this up with the lyric video to the song the title is based off of. I heard it back at the Indians game with my fellow ducklings and mama duck. While you listen, seriously ponder on the beautiful gift of relationship God has given us. So I ask, what have the relationships God has blessed you with given you?

Sunday, May 5, 2013

"It's amazing what love can do people, never underestimate it. EVER."

What a gorgeous weekend filled with sunshine, sunburn, miles, laughter, music, conversation and many many tears. I started my Saturday at 7AM when some of the youth girls and I headed up to the Cleveland Zoo to raise awareness for JRA research in and support Katie. We might have been the slowest moving group of 5 girls the whole morning as the middle school girls stopped at each animal and spoke to it as if it understood. My youth leader and I on the other hand aren't really a fan of the zoo, mostly because of all the cute families and preggo mommies walking around. I was pretty quiet and to myself as the walk continued, thinking and processing through things. I was asked to talk things out but at that moment I was convinced I had things under control. Inside though I was clinging onto to lies, jealousy and hurt. I tried multiple times to gather myself and enjoy the company and beautiful day.
Our day continued at the Indians game against the Twins. I knew this would be the part of my day that would truly test my patience and endurance. We met up with two of the other youth at the game and almost instantaneously my emotions took over. I became frustrated and irritable because over the past month I had grown quite jealous of one of the girls in the group. Every time I saw her I would get upset because I kept thinking she was everything I'm not. One of the most confident, beautiful, smart, sweet girls I have ever met. I became jealous of all those qualities but it wasn't all that was on my mind. I was also questioning my worth and beauty because I'm 17 and not even talking to a guy, which really bummed and bums me out. I was also struggling with the idea that I was to be replaced by that sweet girl. So for the sake of shortening things all of that combined was a big ball of gross emotions and attitude. I again became quiet as we got our seat at the game while everyone chatted. I sat in my anger and jealousy to stubborn to listen to everyone telling me to put sunscreen on, so I got fried. I kept saying I didn't care about anything, but really I care about so many things my skin just wasn't on my radar at the time. I know suffer the consequences of burns that hurt soooo bad. After a Tribe won we stuck around for a free concert from Sanctus Real which was amazing. So amazing in fact that from the minute they started to play I lost it, I had tear rolling down my face before the end of the first song. The tears continued that way until the very last song.
At the beginning I had no clue why I was even crying but by the end I had figured it out. Each song they played seemed to debunk one lie after another I have been believing as a truth. I was disappointed and mad at myself for letting my jealousy control my attitude and actions. I was mad about being jealous at all. I felt so convicted about the condition of my heart. As they sang “When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. When I don't measure up to much in this life. Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ" in forgiven my youth leader grabbed my hand and the weirdest part was that exact line seemed like my life right now. Inside my head I have been telling myself I no longer fit in anywhere and I could never become anything. I have felt like a fly on the wall for the past month in many aspects of life and to hear the words that I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ with Lindsey holding one hand and the lead singer staring right at us I knew I needed to fix things. By the end of the concert due to all the tears and sunburn I dehydrated myself and had a horrible headache. Later that night when everyone went into Target I stayed in the car and made a desperate phone call crying trying to talk things out and figure out what I could do to fix it. Soon I found myself in the passenger seat going to pick up another girl for a sleepover at Lindseys being asked hard questions I really didn't want to answer. I spent the next 20 minutes answering and listening to intense responses that scared me at first. I only wanted to be heard and honestly didn't feel like that was happening. Everything Lindsey was saying was very hard for me to hear at the moment, but made me ponder for the rest of the night.
Although I tried my best to stay with all the girls at Lindseys last night the sunburn and headache were to much for me. At about 10:30 I headed home feeling defeated and exhausted in all aspects of life. Before I fell asleep I said a short prayer not knowing the words to say but forgive me for the jealousy and begging Him to help me fix it, and I am amazed at what he has done today. Today the girl I was so jealous of was being confirmed into our church and ironically I singing a solo in the church choir which doesn't happen often. As the choir practiced I was all of the sudden filled with an overwhelming peace, joy and love. I knew it was time for me to give up my jealousy and trade it for the love Christ offers and calls us all into. I knew that the only thing that could fix things was the love of Christ. Now I know that I'm not always the best with words so when it was time for the anthem I stood up look straight at her and sang "open the eyes of my heart Lord, open the eyes of my heart, I want to see you." I wanted her to know how proud of her confirmation and faith. It was overwhelming and amazing that in a span of 24 hours how much my heart has changed. I stepped out in love to adopt another beautiful little sister in Christ. Tonight as we left youth group she came over and gave me a hug and I never knew something so small could bring tears to my eyes. I can only pray God continues to heal my heart and help the friendship grow. It's amazing what love can do people, never underestimate it. EVER.

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." Song of Solomon 8:6

Em and I after her beautiful confirmation

Sanctus Real concert (left) and Moonwalkers for Katie crew (bottom)

Sunday, April 28, 2013

The Life Cycle of a Butterfly

Yesterday was such beautiful day; 70 degrees, flowers blooming, lawn mowers running, children playing and the birds singing. A beautiful perfect spring day that can stop anyone in their tracks by its magnificent beauty. Although fall is my favorite season, spring comes in a close second. Spring to me represents new life in so many ways. After a long, silent, barren, cold, empty winter the world outside begins to come alive again. Suddenly the birds fly back home and the first sounds of spring wake you each day. The trees begin to bud with color again, the flowers pop up and the grass sways beautifully in the soft air. How about this for new life, after a long transformation from ugly caterpillar, butterflies begin to break free from their chrysalis to embrace their new life.
What a beautiful transformation we are able to witness each spring to remind us of our new life. As human beings we make many physical transformations but none so magnificent to change all of our physical being into something new. Although we can't transform into a beautiful, colorful, new creature our spiritual lives are able to be drastically changed, just like the butterfly.
A butterfly's life span is anywhere from 21-25 days and goes through three stages to adulthood of life in those short days. As Christians there is no set "stages" of our walk with Christ, but I challenge you with the idea that the Christian Church is trapped inside something like a caterpillars chrysalis. Christians are held back from completing the transformation needed to become that completely new being.
Each of us were obviously born into situations out of our control. In the life of the caterpillar each one hatches up without a parent in sight. Some of us were born into a loving Christian home, some with both parents never knowing Jesus, some with one parent who knew of Jesus but chose worldly satisfaction instead, and some like the caterpillar without parents, questioning their worth. There are so many unique situations people grow up in that can basically make or break you. Some people like me and my sisters were baptised as babies out of tradition in the Church we attended at the time. We knew nothing of the life we were about to begin, we were so young we didn't understand the choice our parents had made for us. Although baptised as a baby I believe as people mature they desire to make the choice to follow God on their own. Regardless of how and when you were baptised there comes a time in our lives where we finally make a conscious decision to follow our Savior and just like the caterpillar going into the chrysalis, we trade our ugly sinful lives for God's loving transformation.
For about a week the caterpillar stays inside its safe chrysalis transforming each day. This seems to be the longest process in both the life of the butterfly and our lives. We stay safe in Gods arms but through the transformation we are held back from achieving our new bodies. Things that might hold the individual back is obviously sin like lust, drunkenness, impurity, jealousy, idolatry and deceitful lies. But what about the things that hold the Christian Church back as a whole? What if all the time we spent fighting about gay marriage, whether or not a man or women can lead a church, what members can or cannot do, or what people dress like for church, and started to love out loud, stop judging people, and reach out in love to change the world? Why do we spend our time condemning people rather than reaching out to show them love? It could not be more clear in 1 John 4:19 that because God loved us first, we are called to love others. It doesn't say because God loved us first only love the straight, the men, the pure, the law abiding citizen. So how could the church fully transform into its new being by loving only the people they believe are worthy of being loved? We turn away some of the people who need Christ the most, that can't be what Christ came to earth to do. He filled His days on earth with people who were the social outcasts. He took Levi or better known as Matthew the tax collector and asked him to follow him. He saved the women caught in adultery from being stoned. When he did that He destroyed legalism that said because of her sin she was to be killed. He loved her regardless of the sin she was trapped in, He loved her enough to make obvious enemies of the pharisees who would later spit in his face. We all sin, we have no place to judge because guess what? Sin is sin.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.- Matthew 7:1-5

It isn't over though. A caterpillar doesn't just give up on the transformation no matter how hard it may be, no matter what holds it back whether personal or legalistic. We can all be hopeful although we are trapped in our chrysalis because there is a way to break free. It may be hard, and take a lot of time and effort. It may exhaust you, but it is the measure we must take to be free. Become new. Love. Thats it. Such a simple word. Like a parent loves their child. Like a man loves his wife. Like God adores all of us, our call is to go out and love others. In 1 Peter 4:8, Peter tells the reader that above anything else we are to love each other. He continues to say something profound, "because love covers over a multitude of sins." So with love we are able to break free from all those things that once held us back. Its a matter of not only making the decision to follow but to take action. Love out loud. Reach out to the broken hearted. Help lead the lost back to their Fathers extended arms. Step out of your comfort zone in the name of love. Build those relationships. Share those beautiful God moments. Let God transform you without any resistance for He wants to make a new beautiful life out of the ugly old one. Take the step with love in your heart and compassion in each action you take. In the words of our amazing Daddy, "Look I am making ALL things new..."

Friday, April 26, 2013

Finding Healing in Caffeinated Conversations

Being new to coffee, tonight I found healing at the bottom of my caramel macchiato while enjoying caffeinated conversations.
As I glanced out the window looking out on the pink and orange sky I turned and asked, " So how's your walk with Jesus?" A simple question with a simple answer from both of us: better.
Last time I got to hang out one on one with my caffeine intoxicated friend was about 4 months ago over Christmas break. Our schedules both got busy with musical and speech and family. We seemed to stop making time for each other to not only to hang out but even to talk or text. We both let our friendship slip off to the side as we continued on with life. I began to notice changes in the friendship but let it roll off my back at first thinking that maybe I was reading into something. During this time I spent once a week working on healing, and finding who I am in Christ in counseling. I was forcing myself to look in His word to find the truth to murder the deadly lies that fill my head. The first time my friend and I talked she pulled me to the side and gave me her version of what was supposed to be a "motivational" talk about lies that were running my life. I instantly wanted to cry, and if we wouldn't have been at track I would have. It was hard to hear her words when I felt she had no clue what was going on and that she didn't care. All I heard was a lecture that made me upset. This was in March. We were still able to be friendly and make small talk together but I felt very shut down to the fact that something had changed in or friendship. A friendship we have always fought for even when obstacles like guys, bad influences and sin got in the way. It now felt like a struggle just to be around each other and I don't think it was one sided. For about two months we spend an hour or so at track having a friendly smile that never lasted past when we pulled out of the driveway.
Little did I know during this time Christ was doing something so amazing. He was breaking both my friend and I and putting the pieces back together piece by piece. I kept thinking a huge piece was missing though and tonight I can tell you I was right. While my friend worked on herself and her walk with Christ I had recently been working on how to confront someone in a healthy way with my counselor, and it came in handy very soon after. Almost two weeks after dedicating myself to quit being so passive I was put through a test. A test that would bring the friendship full circle. Sometime this week I asked my friend for a ride home because my parents would be busy. The response I got hurt more than I was expecting it to. I at first needed to give myself time to process my emotions and thoughts. I ran hard far away from her during track and finally had the confrontation 20 minutes later. I started by saying that everything I said was out of love and finally told her how I felt. I felt our friendship had become an inconvenience to us both. I fought to keep myself composed. We finished the conversation on good terms but both fearing of how far our friendship had truly fallen to the side.
Tonight as we talked about our walks, I found healing, forgiveness and hope. It was profound when I finally looked back at all the work both of us have been doing on ourselves in the past 4 months. We needed that time to focus on fixing our hearts on what is right and true. I believe Christ broke us down to help us rebuild our relationship on His steady rock. Its amazing to truly look at how our friendship was and how tonight was so much different. Rooted in our love for our amazing savior. Filled with laughter and love. Its truly amazing to see the change I am making in my heart. I am able to find the healing I have needed in the simplest of things. I have become a lover rather than a fighter. Laughter fills my days rather than darkness and tears. God has truly been working and I believe Mollie and my relationship can only go up from here with Christ at the center. Its amazing what beauty can come from ashes. I hopeful and excited what God has in store for our friendship as we move into senior year.
Heres to healing in caffeinated conversations.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Lets talk about.... shutting down.

We struggle. That is the plain undeniable fact of life. " In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials." So there you have it folks right out of the word of God in 1st Peter, we are going to struggle. How we handle this struggle is what defines the second part of that verse. The verse continues to say, "these have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." [1 Peter 1:6-7] Essentially this is amazing encouragement for anyone who finds themselves struggling. To me this is just insuring that our struggles are not useless but to refine our faith, so we can spend eternity struggle free with our Daddy, Savior, Redeemer, Rock.

I chose to blog today about shutting down, something I am sadly a pro at, especially when I am struggling. I will be the first to admit I have said "I'm fine," one to many times. I decided to write about this though after an recent episode where I shut down to the point of making myself sick. After a stressful week in all aspects of life I chose to shut down my emotions and rely on my own strength. I became upset with God because I couldn't understand why I have to struggle so often. So I shut down and made no time for the Lord, can you see where this story is going? On Sunday when church started all I could think was "they know I'm faking. They can see it all over me." I started to get sick to my stomach and had to get out of the church. I ran to the van tripping up and down stairs just wanting to get out. I locked the doors and turned on Audrey Assad just to fill the silence. Minutes later someone came out to check on me, wanting me to talk, she sat in the car. I was so afraid I was going to loose it in that moment so I kept myself shut down. She slammed the door as she walked back into the church. Eventually after much meditation and prayer I walked back in and sat down for the last part of the service.

When we shut down we attempt to hide or push our emotions aside or mask them behind a ton of walls that keep us from being real. First off it is almost impossible to shut down because even if you try your hardest the emotions have already taken a toll on your face. So you might think your internalizing everything but your face says everything your trying not to. I was recently sitting in the car with someone who has been struggling and we sat in what she thought was silence but her face just screamed.... It broke my heart. I found a song that day by Audrey Assad that was utterly perfect for the topic of shutting down and how it effects other people.

"So, you lie on your bed, you won't let the morning come in. And you hide in your room, feeding that fear and it's killing you. Don't you know, that it's killing me too, cause your heart break is breaking you." [Audrey Assad- Breaking You]

Last year I shut down A LOT, especially with one friend in particular. One month we'd be fine, the next I would shut her out of my life almost completely. Eventually she came to the conclusion I would come around and kinda gave up on trying, but who could blame her? In the past 8 months our relationship has grown even stronger than before but I still fight wanting to shut down on her and others quite often. I had not noticed until recently how badly it can hurt when someone shuts down in your life. I read somewhere shutting down is like sending a message through email you never meant to send but leaves the other person hurt or confused of how easily it was to shut them out, as if they don't matter. I had never intended to hurt people by shutting down, I honestly never thought of the effects on others by me shutting down. Do you? Do you shut down to try and hide your struggles from someone who probably already can see it in your face? The be prideful? To not feel like a burden? Boundaries? Or are you afraid of being real with another sister or brother in Christ? When we shut down we isolate ourselves from anyone who just wants to be present so we know we're not alone. We deny others the chance to empathize, and offer encouragement.

We have a choice in how we handle our struggles. My youth leader sent me something back in May that is a constant reminder of our choice, "this is just another trial.... It can pull you away from God or it can be something He uses to refine you and make you more like Him. When my trials have come up in my past I have let the first be true. Praying you will let God use this to draw you to Hi, and not away from Him." When you open up, be real and talk with someone it is amazing what just having someone listen and being encouraging can do. What ever your struggling doesn't seem so big when you know you have brothers and sisters praying for you. I have been so blessed to acquire an amazing support group in the last couple of years. Tonight I pray that no matter where you are in life you know that your struggles are not useless and people care and want to be there for you. Open up your heart and listen to the amazing truth God can speak to you through other people. "It can pull you away from God or it can be something He uses to refine you and make you more like Him."

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in habit of doing, but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." [Hebrews 10:24-25]